Unmasking the Truth

Three months ago my world fell apart. I was devastated, dreams shattered.

Three months after I'm still filled with bitterness inside. Still trying to heal while he has dated three different women. I sound so pathetic. But I can't help it. I can't keep on pretending that I am okay when I am not. I can't say that I am over him when he still crawls in my mind. I want to be over this! But I don't how and I don't know when.

I want to live the life I used to have. But I don't know which. My life before him was like a prison cell. Every move that I make, every words that I say is being watched. I can't do the things that I want. I can't be who I am. For 6 years, I almost forgot who I really was. I was trying to be the person that the people around me wanted me to be. I thought it was fine when I just woke up one day and no longer recognize my own reflection. I have lost my confidence, lost the real me.

Life with him was filled with fun, filled with smile mixed with tears. He treated me like no person has treated me before. His world revolved around me. I was the center of his attention. He made sacrifices like no person has sacrificed for me before. He was too good to be true. I thought it was real until reality stepped in and snapped me out of it.

I was only used and abused. He knew that I can't say no so he took advantage of it. Indeed he has treated like no person has ever treated me before. Borrowed money like no person has ever borrowed money from me before. I was only the best since I was there to provide him with what he want!

What the F#$%!

I got tired so I let go. Tears were shed and I thought it was real. Thinking he was devastated the day I left him, in less than 24 hours he already has someone new. Three months after he is with someone else.

I felt sorry for him. He needs someone to be there for him but is never finding one. They are all just for fun! For the meantime while he's looking for the right one. With all the bad decisions that he has made this past few months, I don't think he can still find her.

"Once I've grown more mature, I can still see myself being with you".

This is crap! This is all but lie. Trust is a Lie. Yes, call me cynical. But after all that I have been through, give me one good reason to still believe in Love?

I admit, I am pathetic, I am bitter. I want to be over this. I am trying. But for now, this is how I feel... this is who I am.