What Hurts The Most

As i sit here reading through the messages that you just sent me... I can't help but breakdown. My tears are flowing like a river. There is so much pain kept inside. There were so many things left unsaid... so many questions left unanswered.

Why did you leave me? How could be gone so soon? What have i done to let you go away?

You were my life the reason for the smile on my face. The reason why i wake up everyday. I needed you more that i have ever needed someone in my life. I needed you because i love. I love you so much... more than you could ever imagine. I was willing to give everything for you.... be your wife... bear you child.

But just as the sun sets every night... you were gone just like that. I woke up one day and you were no longer there...

"Naa nako barko... I'm going home... I'm sorry... Goodluck... Goodbye B!"
"I just love you so much that i can't dare say it to you personally..."

Those were the last words that i got from you. Then you were gone. I was so lost. I have never been so lost my entire life. It seemed like there was no air to breathe. I was hopeless... lifeless. My forever is gone. In a blink of an eye it was gone.

I tried to leave each day with so much smile as i could. But I can only fake as much. At the end of the day, when the moon shines in the heavens, when the lights are off and I can only hear the cool breeze of the night, that's when reality sinks in. The truth that you are no longer mine... that you're gone. Tears would come falling down my eyes. My eyes are sored from these never ending tears.

As i try to close my eyes all i see is you... all i feel is your touch. I can feel your arms as it touches my body. Your face hunts me even in my sleep. And even in my dreams it's still you that I love... it's still you that i long to wake up with in the morning.

I could barely get to straight sleep at night. Every now and then the pain wakes me up with again tears falling from my eyes.

The nights and the days without you are killing me. How I wish i am stronger and how i wish that i haven't love you that much. But it's too late.

Then all of a sudden you'll come back telling me that you that made the wrong decision and that it's killing you and you wanted to come back to me?

"I dunno, I guess i was scared. It was a tough decision to make and a wrong one and it's killing me."

How do you expect me to take that? I have been through a lot. If you really love me then prove it. If you want me then do something about it. Because from the bottom of my heart... damn I just love you so much.

It's you that i want... it's you that i want to be with... it's with you that i want to spend forever with... I know that as long as we are together, we can get through everything and we can surpass whatever comes along the way.

Just in case you come back... make sure to love me with all your heart. Coz' what hurts the most? Is being left behind broken by the only person who can make you whole again.

B...