She's Waitng Until Her Heart Stops Beating

Saturday ~ August 11 12:39pm 

Today, I'm going the extreme point of being pathetic. I'm waiting outside his building now knowing if he'll show up or if he's still upstairs. Worst case if he'll show up and ignore me. Pathetic me strikes again. But what can I say? I'm in love! I'm freaking in love with one man for the past three years who doesn't even give a shit about me! Beat that!

How long would I have to write about this? How long do I have to suffer. How long would I have to succumb to this pain? 

Every day I ask myself, Why? 

And no matter how many times this question pops up my mind, still the answer answer remains unknown. 

But there could only be two reasons.. Love and Lust. Ugh! I wish I know which is which. It could be a faded love empowered by lust? Could it be true love? Awhh... I wish I really know.

One thing is for sure... I'm here sipping my mocha frapuccino waiting for nothing to arrive. Waiting for pain to inflict me which could take days, weeks, months to heal. But nonetheless I'm waiting, wishing and hoping he'd show up and wrap me in his arms again.