Somewhere Down The Road

8:19am

I'm still in the office. At my desk. Thinking , contemplating on the things that I've done in the past. All the pains that I've been through, all the tears that I've cried because of you. Now, I ask myself... was it all worth it? Did I deserve it? 

For three years that I spent with him, for the most part I was in pain because of his lies and his infidelity. I just don't know why despite all that he's done to me. I still can't say no!

I seriously don't know what to write. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to someone but I know that I shouldn't. I don't wanna go home. I want to just get this off my chest and I know there's no other way to do it but here.

We're back to being OK. We're back to texting and talking over the phone. We've decided to meet tonight. He then asked me if we can meet later, around 11 since his girl invited him to dinner and that she has something to tell him. At the back of my head... I wish she'll finally break up with him. I asked him if he's ready to leave him and he said yes. But what if it's something else? What if she's not breaking up with him? What if she's telling him that she's finalizing her annulment so they can be together forever officially? Or she just want to talk to him about his birthday?

Tonight is the make or break of what could finally be my role in his life. 

It's been 7 months since we broke up and still the memories of the pain is fresh in my mind. Thinking of how painful and dreadful that moment was just makes me wanna forget it ever happened. But I can't. 

I'm not making sense at all!!!

Seriously.. I want time to fast forward so it can be 11pm and I would know what their talk was and I can just let go of him.

I know that letting go is long over due. But we'll that's me! Plain stupid!